Kusamaritans
The Kusama Samaritans
The Kusamaritans are here
Saving Polkadot holders from themselves, since testnet.
For too long, you've been trapped in complexity.
[X] Drowning in documentation.
[X] Paralyzed by parachains.
[X] Haunted by sleeveless shirts.
Recognize These Symptoms?
We're not here to judge.
We're here to help.The Kusamaritans run a 24/7 rescue service: whether you're lost in governance proposals or your portfolio needs CPR, we'll throw you a lifeline.Because nobody should have to understand 'heterogeneous sharding' to make money.
Step 1: Assessment
Our diagnostic quiz identifies your level of blockchain trauma. Are you just confused or full-on crying into your hardware wallet? We'll assess the damage.
Step 2: Diagnosis
Based on your symptoms, we'll prescribe the right treatment. Some need full Kusama immersion. Others just need to touch grass.
Step 3: Recovery
Join other survivors in our digital support group. Write your truth. Watch old pain fade. Heal with humor.
Step 4: Pay It Forward
Become a Kusamaritan
Once rescued, help save others.Share your story.
Spread the word.
Because recovery is better together.
Emergency Trauma Assessment
The Fine Print Nobody ReadsNo actual lawyers were harmed in the making of this service. The Kusamaritans are not licensed
medical professionals, financial advisors, or competent adults. Your testimony may be used in
future meme creation. Side effects of Kusama include understanding your investments and
occasional profits. Class action against complexity pending.
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